Library

Today I took all three kids to the library after I picked up Connor from school. They have a promotion going for free hamburgers at In N Out when your kid reads 5 books. It only goes until the 15th...which is a bummer because it went on all through October! Same as with the free Zoo for October. So lame that we missed out on that. We'll know for next year I guess.  Anyway, it's never hard at first. I was grateful that I had remembered the stroller (rather it was left in there after our Disneyland trip yesterday) so I didn't have to lug Felicity around.  I returned our old books and ran to the grown up books to get a couple for myself then ran back to see what the kids were into. Thankfully no chaos had erupted yet. Parker found the puzzles and Connor was just looking for papers to write on. I got Connor to sit with me and read 5 books with me which was a miracle. But halfway through this Parker had gotten bored with the puzzles and decided to run around. And his footsteps were not quiet...they were really loud. Flip flops...and I didn't want to disturb people so I hunted him down. Right about the time I captured him Felicity got bored with the library card I was letting her hold and she started fussing. Parker got mad at me and went back to the puzzles. I put my hair up (this is why I never do my hair...it always ends up in a ponytail anyway) because I was sweating...and got her out of her seat. Finished reading books with her in my arms reaching for things.   Sigh...finished the books. Miracle. Ok Connor now you get to pick some to take home. Whoa whoa whoa, don't grab every book on the shelf. Let's choose them together. OK still grabbing too many at once. Let's look inside to make sure it's a book we want to read (and doesn't have a thousand words on a page-because that would lead to attention deficit on both our parts).  Hey let's not grab all the movies ok? Let's just pick a couple movies.  Oh my gosh who is banging puzzle pieces? Is that Parker? No. ok it's the other kid that showed up whose mom left him there to play while she read with her other kid. She's not going to stop him? Ok then I guess nobody else notices the loud slamming noises. Back to Connor. No we're not going to get a Thomas the Train movie-- there are plenty on Netflix. CRASH..what the heck was that?! Oh that boy Parker is next to pushed a puzzle onto the floor. Was Parker a part of that? Ask them both to pick it up. Other mom is showing no interest in her child or his craziness. Ok then I'm not going to pick it up, I'm holding the baby and trying to keep Connor at bay. Need to grab a few toddler books for Parker to enjoy. He's fighting me- doesn't WANT me to pick books to bring home. Takes books out of my hands and yells at me. Awesome. He walks off so I grab some really fast anyway. Now Connor has crayons and bookmarks to color. Ok that's cool. Where's Parker? Found him. Why is Connor over behind the desk area where he shouldn't be? Connor please don't grab papers from the grown up stacks. Great he's fighting me. Felicity is getting mad. Time to go. Where's Parker? How am I going to get all these books to the desk? Found my bag, put all the books in there, put baby back in the stroller. She's crying. Ughhh... Connor went back and got the paper he shouldn't have gotten and is now writing on it. Not a big deal but really maddening that he doesn't listen or obey. Grab his stuff and tell him to put it all away. Felicity is crying. Pick her up. Get the boys..time to GO! Parker doesn't want to go. grab his hand and bring him to the front. Connor is wandering and telling employees he is getting a free hamburger. Tried putting Felicity down to run after boys who are running around. She cries some more. HOw many books am I getting?! How did that happen? Oh well. Pick up baby. Parker doing potty dance and says he has to potty. GREEAAAT. Finish checking out books, put them in car seat, push it and take the boys to the potty while holding the baby. Lift Parker up onto toilet while holding Felicity. No way can we wash our hands, I'm holding the baby and can't hold him up that long. Gross. We're all going to die of germs. Get out to the car. FINALLY. Load everyone up. Call Ben who had called wondering where we were. Tell him I'll be home soon to claim the parking spot he was able to get while home for lunch. Parking is a big deal. After street sweeping day it's every man for himself and there is a golden spot everyone wants. We got it. So I need to get home soon. We're in Dana Point about 12 minutes away because the San Clemente library is closed for a year. Lame. Start driving. Kids ask what's for lunch. They had peanut butter and jelly yesterday so I guess that means on our rotation it's time for mac n cheese. Call Ben to have him start it. That would be great if it was done before we get there and they can eat fast and go down for naps. He doesn't answer. We just hung up a minute ago. What happened? Call 8 more times. Felicity crying the whole way home. Pass a big billboard that says Kids Free in October for Zoo! Rubs salt in my wounds. How did I not see that last month?! Ben still not answering. REALLY?! Baby still crying. Finally get home. Ben answers as I pull up. Grrrrr....get the golden spot. Feel bad because he didn't answer cuz he was washing dishes. There are a LOT of dirty dishes. And the house is a pig sty. I was buying groupons all morning and balancing our checking account. No time for cleaning.  Begin the lunchtime chaos. Get everyone's hands washed and pray nothing in the house was contaminated before I had a chance to do so. Oh well. builds immunity. Watch the kids tear into the library toddler boxes. GRRRR...get them to sit and wait for food. Check on macaroni between feeding Felicity bites of baby food. Feeding babies takes FOREVER especially with no high chair. I think she should get a high chair for Christmas.  Finally the food is done. Everyone is fed and it's time for naps. Now I can veg and watch my show. But I so needed to remember this day that I sat down and typed up this lovely journal entry. My eyes are begging for a nap and I'm hoping I can get some rest before the baby wakes up....

Being REAL grateful.

I really think the side of the bed I get out of determines my attitude. Some days Felicity has slept AMAZING and I'm climbing out of bed on my own side to greet her smiling face in HER OWN BED. Other days I'm climbing off on Ben's side cuz he's already up with the boys and Felicity has been in bed with me for a few hours nursing back to sleep and we took over daddy's side in his absence. I'm usually woken up by fussing and frustration rather than coos and giggles. Those mornings I'm just not as much fun to be around as the other mornings. On morning A I will be washing dishes or changing diapers and think how grateful I am that we've accumulated all this "stuff" like baby wipes and diapers, or dishwashing liquid. That we have the means to provide ourselves with such luxuries. I'll look at my fully stocked shelves and think "Wow. We are so rich. Look at all our food, and think of all those who are hungry." Or I'll look at my home and wonder how much it all would have cost if I had bought everything we own in one trip, and I'm thankful for the years of slow accumulation.  We don't have fancy things- heaven knows they'd be destroyed by little hands. But we do have luxuries like a large tv, a piano, and other STUFF. On B mornings I am overwhelemed by the reality of things like "Why do we not have a stupid dishwasher? If I have to wash another greasy dish by hand..." or "Look at the stupid food shelves. If only we had a REAL pantry. How could I make that look better? Hang curtains? Maybe I should check Pinterest...although it probably would turn out wrong.." Or I'll look at our sad excuse for a couch with pen stains and a middle cushion that sticks out too far from Figaro who used to sit on the top of the middle cushion.  I'll whine to myself about how messy things are and how if only I could just have 10 minutes to tidy up. I get sad thinking about how we are only in a 2 bedroom apartment and I can't decorate a cute nursery for my sweet baby girl. I can't even decorate a CORNER of the room for fear that the boys will ruin it. They have after all unscrewed the crib screws and colored all over their brand new bunkbed. They have left no area unscathed. So it's hopeless.  But on A days I look out the window or walk out the front door and see a tiny piece of the ocean. I smell a nice salty breeze. I FEEL a nice breeze which replaces the luxury of air conditioning. On B days I grumble about the humidity and what it's doing to my complexion. On A days I thank heaven for the reminder that I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Honestly, sometimes it's a mixture of all these thoughts and emotions. I can be both grateful and stubborn at the same time. It's human nature! We may never live in a mansion. We may never move from this 2 bedroom apartment! But that's ok. Because I was overjoyed last week when we rearranged our furniture to open up our living room. It made me feel like I live in a mansion. And I'm thankful that we have 2 bathrooms. I'm thankful my kids will grow up going to the beach whenever we feel like it. I miss my family but sure love looking forward to visits either here or there! I'm incredibly thankful for Skype and Face time which takes the sting out of the long distance. And I'm pretty stoked that my husband has a JOB and it's somewhere beautiful with people who respect him. And I'm excited to start growing my business here and enjoying photography in a whole new landscape! I'm proud of my three kids and how respectful and loving they are. (Not always to me...but always strangers). I love the fact that I've made friends here and have people I look forward to seeing. I love that I belong to a church full of instant friendships and kinship. 

Those are my feelings on this beautiful warm Friday afternoon. Have a happy weekend!

Felicity Kate

We went into the hospital at 7:00 a.m. for the induction.

It was so weird going to a totally different hospital. We checked in at security and headed up the elevator to the second floor. Ben was given a badge and I was checked in to one of the largest birthing suites, room 16.  It was definitely large and perfect for all the people we had in the room. I had a dreadful feeling this induction was going to be really slow going and had no indication from my body that she was ready to come anytime soon. I was so much more uncomfortable due to her larger size and was really excited to have her out, but really nervous after the extent of pain I was in when I had Parker. I decided not to wait as long to get my epidural.  It took a long time to get things going, about an hour and a half until I was even started on pitocin.  I wanted cydatech to get things moving because it worked so well with Parker but apparently you have to wait 4 hours after getting that to even start pitocin. So the doc opted to just start pitocin.  Sure enough my body was really slow going. Nothing happened for a while, I kept telling the nurses to bump up the levels to get things moving and they did but had to do it slowly a little at a time. I started feeling a little sting with the contractions by late morning. My doc had come in around 8:30 to check me and see how things were, he told me "Start feeling those contractions, and I'll come back, you get your epidural and I'll break your water, we'll have this baby by lunch and you can go to Nordstrom's to do some shopping. Deal?" Haha the mall is right down the street from the hospital and I definitely wanted his plan to work but alas it wasn't to be.  He came back at lunch and I still hadn't dilated, was barely feeling much pain and felt really anxious and hungry! I hated the no eating part! Jenice came at about 8:45, Lauren came later that morning. The party was starting!

The boys came to visit and drop grandma off around lunch time. It was so fun to see them in their shirts! They had to go home with grandpa for naps and were sad to leave.  It was just a waiting game for us now! Finally around 2 or 3 I started really hurting. The contractions were coming less than every minute and I wasn't having fun anymore. I requested the epidural and was barely at a 1. But I couldn't go any longer with the pain and didn't want to be in agony like I had been with Parker.  So I was ready to get the goods! The nurses asked when I'd eaten last and I guiltily admitted that I MIGHT have had a saltine not long ago haha! That got a good laugh from everyone who knew I'd been sneaky with Lauren's cafeteria contraband! Then came the worst part of the whole day. They sent everyone but Ben out of the room and the anesthesiologist came in. I know epidurals are not pleasant, I always hate that weird twinge feeling in my spine but welcome the relief of pain so it's worth it. It always feels longer than it is because I'm curled in a ball and fighting the contractions that are making me want to move.  I always tell myself it's almost over- almost there...only this time it was never ending! After feeling that awful feeling over and over-like 10-15 minutes later he said the catheter wasn't going in so he had to start again. I was sweating so hard by this time and dying of pain.  So he started again and I was flinching cuz it hurt really bad. The nurses said for me to tell him when it hurt, not to move. So I let him know every time it was hurting. He stopped again and had to try a THIRD TIME. I was in agony. I was pissed at this man who by now I was supposed to love! I'd never had this much of a problem before! So finally after the 3rd try he got it in. I was bawling by the time he left and couldn't calm down. They had ice packs on my neck trying to cool me off. Every time I looked over at Ben it made me cry more, just like when you see your mom when you're hurt. He told me later if the guy hadn't succeeded the third time he'd have asked him to stop and see if I still even wanted the epidural. It really was hard even wanting him to get it in when it had been so much agony! 

After that medicine settled in I became a new person. I was so relaxed it was making me feel loopy and drugged even though they don't have that effect on people. It was just the opposite sensation from the awful pain that made me feel like I was floating on a cloud! I was giddy and silly and happy to be numb.  It was quite fun and entertaining for everyone else in the room. When the doc came in again I was at a 2 and he broke my water. That sent me into a fit of giggles because I had SO MUCH FLUID! It was like sitting in a shallow pond after he got the initial rush of water out.  Everyone wanted to look cuz I was laughing and it sounded like a river. Even the doctor was amazed and said it was like Niagra Falls. He asked Lauren if she wanted to look haha and she did but was respecting my privacy. The doctor probably thought I was insane at that point with all the laughing and loopiness but I didn't care.  He said breaking my waters had taken me from a 2 to a 4-5.  I thought for sure it wouldn't be much longer! 

The next couple of hours didn't feel like hours. Time went faster, I was relaxed, and enjoying the lack of pain. I kept trying to feel for the urge to push and when I finally felt pressure more than a couple of times I had the doctor check me again.  He did, and I was at a 9 and almost fully ready to go! He said "Time to change!" and at first I had no idea what he meant. Then I realized he had left to go change into his scrubs.  I honestly love how old school my doctor was.  He isn't a super busy doc anymore, he's delivered thousands of babies but isn't the young hip doc anymore so his practice is small.  He was just hanging out at the hospital after his clinic was closed waiting on me to progress. My mom knew where his waiting area was and was the one who went to get him when I had said I felt pressure.  They had a fun time together, my mom really loved the doctor too.  

The nurse had me do some pushes to see where baby's head was and said she was still sort of high up so we'd just wait for her to move down on her own rather than wear me out pushing longer than I needed to. I was so grateful for this.  I felt like a ticking bomb just trying to be in tune with my body and the baby and what was happening.  I finally felt more of an urge to push and when they checked again she was down where she needed to be! The last part of labor is such a fast blur.  It feels like everyone is moving around you and the room is transformed so much it doesn't even feel like the same room. Everyone gets excited and nervous and tries to find a place to stand or sit so they aren't in the way but can still get a good view of what's happening.  This huge light was lowered out of the ceiling and shined right on my lady business, like a spotlight on an exciting show.  Lauren positioned herself behind my right shoulder, Ben was to my right, my mom to my left, Jenice down at the other end of the room taking video with her ipad, and the nurses where they belong.  THat tray of instruments was uncovered, the baby nurse was ready, the baby bed all ready for the new person who was on her way.  My legs went into stirrups rather than holding them up to my ears, so Ben didn't really have to do much work to help me push. I started feeling nauseous when they had me get into position. It was very much like when I delivered Connor.  They gave me oxygen, the baby's heart rate was half as fast as it should have been and the nurses let me know it was definitely time and this baby needed to come out.  I fought the urge to puke and did what I had to do. On the second push her head was out. I hadn't even felt it come out so was kind of surprised when I heard her already start crying.  I didn't even know babies could cry before their bodies were out! That last push brought the perfect relief I had been waiting weeks for.  Her fat little body rolled out and I felt instantly lighter! It took a few seconds for the doctor to hold her up to where I could see her but when they put her on my chest my first impression was how incredibly FAT she was! I knew she was going to be bigger than the boys but was just so overjoyed to see her fat rolls and round little face! I was instantly in love with her.  She was the most perfect little person I'd ever seen.  I felt the same with the boys but not as overwhelmed with awe as I was with this little girl.  I couldn't believe I had a daughter! My perfect little princess was here! I sobbed and sobbed and laughed at her fat and felt like the paprazzi was there with all the camera phones and Lauren snapping away.  At one point I wondered where Ben was haha. He felt so far away since the nurses and grandmas were right there in the action.  But looking at the video he really was never too far.  The pictures are so wonderful to have and show every emotion that was felt that day! I'm so thankful I had Lauren there to capture it. She did amazing and I will never forget how fun it was to have my best friend in the room to cheer me on, sneak me crackers and laugh with me.  

Ben and I enjoyed what they call a magic hour where everyone left except him and we just sat in a quiet room with our new little daughter.  I nursed her almost that entire hour. She was the perfect eater, and proved to be the most instinctive baby.  She was weighed and measured- a whopping 8 lbs 14 oz and 20 inches long! Her birth time was 7:23 p.m. She was all cleaned up when her brothers came to see her.  They were bursting with excitement and could hardly contain themselves waiting!  Parker immediately asked to "hold it" and held up his arms to take her.  They fell instantly in love with her and have not changed their opinion of her for a moment since.  It was so fun to see my three children all together.  I was so overjoyed to know I had brought each one of them into the world!  How lucky am I to have such beautiful children who love each other so much?! 

Having Felicity here has been so special. Her spirit is strong and we are so bonded.  I had to stay in the hospital longer than anticipated due to a heart murmur she has they wanted to test.  But that extra time to snuggle her and bond with her was so wonderful.  3rd babies don't usually get that much one on one time but we established such a great relationship that I have felt glued to her ever since.  Some days it's exhausting with non stop feeding and holding.  But it won't last forever, or even much longer for that matter.  So I'm cherishing her smells, her faces, her cries, her smiles, her loud farts, her eager eating, her growing tummy, and her beautiful spirit.  She loves her brothers as much as they love her and I see the truest unconditional love when she looks at them and them at her.  I am so blessed and so grateful Heavenly Father has granted me these special spirits to raise!