I really think the side of the bed I get out of determines my attitude. Some days Felicity has slept AMAZING and I'm climbing out of bed on my own side to greet her smiling face in HER OWN BED. Other days I'm climbing off on Ben's side cuz he's already up with the boys and Felicity has been in bed with me for a few hours nursing back to sleep and we took over daddy's side in his absence. I'm usually woken up by fussing and frustration rather than coos and giggles. Those mornings I'm just not as much fun to be around as the other mornings. On morning A I will be washing dishes or changing diapers and think how grateful I am that we've accumulated all this "stuff" like baby wipes and diapers, or dishwashing liquid. That we have the means to provide ourselves with such luxuries. I'll look at my fully stocked shelves and think "Wow. We are so rich. Look at all our food, and think of all those who are hungry." Or I'll look at my home and wonder how much it all would have cost if I had bought everything we own in one trip, and I'm thankful for the years of slow accumulation. We don't have fancy things- heaven knows they'd be destroyed by little hands. But we do have luxuries like a large tv, a piano, and other STUFF. On B mornings I am overwhelemed by the reality of things like "Why do we not have a stupid dishwasher? If I have to wash another greasy dish by hand..." or "Look at the stupid food shelves. If only we had a REAL pantry. How could I make that look better? Hang curtains? Maybe I should check Pinterest...although it probably would turn out wrong.." Or I'll look at our sad excuse for a couch with pen stains and a middle cushion that sticks out too far from Figaro who used to sit on the top of the middle cushion. I'll whine to myself about how messy things are and how if only I could just have 10 minutes to tidy up. I get sad thinking about how we are only in a 2 bedroom apartment and I can't decorate a cute nursery for my sweet baby girl. I can't even decorate a CORNER of the room for fear that the boys will ruin it. They have after all unscrewed the crib screws and colored all over their brand new bunkbed. They have left no area unscathed. So it's hopeless. But on A days I look out the window or walk out the front door and see a tiny piece of the ocean. I smell a nice salty breeze. I FEEL a nice breeze which replaces the luxury of air conditioning. On B days I grumble about the humidity and what it's doing to my complexion. On A days I thank heaven for the reminder that I live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
Honestly, sometimes it's a mixture of all these thoughts and emotions. I can be both grateful and stubborn at the same time. It's human nature! We may never live in a mansion. We may never move from this 2 bedroom apartment! But that's ok. Because I was overjoyed last week when we rearranged our furniture to open up our living room. It made me feel like I live in a mansion. And I'm thankful that we have 2 bathrooms. I'm thankful my kids will grow up going to the beach whenever we feel like it. I miss my family but sure love looking forward to visits either here or there! I'm incredibly thankful for Skype and Face time which takes the sting out of the long distance. And I'm pretty stoked that my husband has a JOB and it's somewhere beautiful with people who respect him. And I'm excited to start growing my business here and enjoying photography in a whole new landscape! I'm proud of my three kids and how respectful and loving they are. (Not always to me...but always strangers). I love the fact that I've made friends here and have people I look forward to seeing. I love that I belong to a church full of instant friendships and kinship.
Those are my feelings on this beautiful warm Friday afternoon. Have a happy weekend!
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