Times are changing...

My sister in law Miranda told me on a Facebook comment...7th times the charm! And I suppose she was completely right! As most people reading this know- Ben got the 7th major job he applied for!!! This is after getting down to the top two for some huge jobs all over the country. We could have ended up in Connecticut, New Mexico, Tennessee, and other places in Utah.  But after all is said and done we are going to be starting over in California! I feel like our lives are picking up where we left off 5 years ago... 2 1/2 kids and a whole lot of patience later...we are heading back to the life we sorta knew.

This all started long before the job even came available.  In June I went to Cali with my mom and sisters and was talking my sister Desi into moving down there...how there are so many different places to live/work/play and she would LOVE it. I realized how sad it made me that I don't have that option to just move down there and have an adventure. I never considered I could move back there ever. And for some reason even though we only lived there 9 months together, it felt like HOME when we'd visit. It was just where our story began and I missed that story!

So in August Ben saw this job for the PR and Marketing Director at Casa Romantica and was pretty intrigued. We'd been having some talks about maybe not trying to make Utah work anymore. When Ben didn't get a job in Salt Lake we were beyond frustrated and felt like we HAD to do something. I mean we've felt that way for years but this was just different. I am pregnant and we did NOT want to have another baby living with parents! That following weekend I really wanted to get AWAY. I had been craving the ocean and a beach trip so on a whim we packed up and drove to California to see the ocean and Ben's family.  We stayed for about 4 days. On Saturday we took the train to San Clemente. At the time I really didn't think much of it...we had talked about going all the way to Oceanside but didn't know if the kids would last quite that long on the train (they wouldn't have) so we saw that San Clemente had a nice pier. I realized somewhere along the way that Ben wanted to go there so he could scope it out...for the job haha. He could see the building from the beach and we didn't have time to walk up to it but it was pretty! And we loved the beach..it was so pretty and blue and honestly one of the prettier beaches I've seen down there.

We got back to Utah and for a while Ben toyed around with the idea of applying thinking maybe he shouldn't, he wasn't sure it was worth all the time he'd put into it- if he was completely qualified. The title of Director scared him I think. But by then I had a fire in my eyes as I practically beat him into submission with my words...haha.  I told him I didn't care how many jobs he had to apply for- one was going to work out and if he didn't even apply nobody was going to be knocking at the door to just give him a job. I also said nobody was coming to his pity party so it was time to GET GOING! Mind you...we have pursued many dreams over the past two years...restaurant ownership, our photography business, the Opera etc. We hadn't applied for anything outside of Utah in over a year. After looking at the job boards here one night...40+ pages of job postings and nothing paid over 12 an hour unless you had a VERY specific degree. I realized right then we were DONE here. We had given it our all--but this was not home anymore. We needed to be a family and go be brave and sacrifice and be on our own again. Even if that meant being poor in a different way...getting entry level type jobs etc. SO I was pretty insistent he apply.

He did...and we didn't think much about it for 2-3 weeks. Then he noticed the posting had closed. We didn't expect much cuz at the end of the process it had said "Only accepting local applicants". AFTER HE HAD FINISHED A LONG SURVEY! Grr....anyway...two days after it closed he got an email. The rest is history. It was one of those things where I didn't "just know" cuz I had given up on those instincts years ago haha...but I wasn't afraid to get invested emotionally. I wasn't afraid to post it online...to tell the world we were going for another job. And it made a huge difference.

The process wasn't gruesome...no more than any other job process. It was great and actually really quick from start to finish. And by Friday I did KNOW it was going to happen. I felt it in my gut. I realized how all that longing for months to live by the ocean and to move on from this life was maybe my heart trying to reconcile with my brain...I knew where we belonged. I didn't have any firework moments when we were at that beach in September. In fact it was stressful as all get out with the kids and the long train ride and I had morning sickness...so honestly I have no idea if I'll love living there. But I think I will! And I have faith that the Lord will provide for all our earthly needs...we'll make it work even if it's tight in the beginning (it's NOT cheap to live there folks). And Ben will be himself again...working for a place he loves. Doing what he's educated to do. Making big kid money again. And we'll be a family. Just us...and it'll be scary and lonely and hard. But I'm so ready for it! Bring on the new trials..these ones lasted WAY TOO LONG! :)

So this is where he'll be working:

Really hard huh??? Poor guy will have an awful view....

And we'll get to live somewhere close by! :) And heaven willing I'll keep up on this blog more since I won't be living with my parents and they'll wanna see what we're up to! 

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and love and excitement and enthusiasm and SUPPORT! We are so blessed and SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!

Let's face it

Being a mom is hard. Running a business is hard. Struggling through a broke life is hard. When I say broke I mean no money...mulah...cash to spend etc. Been that way for 4 1/2 out of the five years we've been married. Stupid economy. I still hate it. Some have moved on from their hateful relationship with the economy. Not us. We still loathe it. We still hold it responsible for our fate in life. We still wonder what if about different paths we could have taken in life. Not about each other that's for sure. And not about our kids. We're glad they're here. But let me say this. They definitely add pressure to succeed that makes life a little bit more stressful. We can't even entertain the thoughts of "When will we buy a home?" or "Should we start saving for their missions?". Cuz guess what? We can't even afford to move out! But I digress...

The past 3 1/2 years since I became a mom have been the HARDEST years. Harder than being a teenager. Harder than my divorce. I'm sleep deprived, ornery and sometimes downright angry at life. I always thought I'd be this FUN mom who did projects and taught my kids how to read before they were 3. HA! That's the kind of BIG SISTER I was. To my SISTERS. Who were MELLOW.

It's not for lack of trying. I have experimented with all types of projects and interests with Connor. He's simply too busy to care. Playdough is only fun for 2 minutes. Coloring? RIGHT. More like chewing the crayons to bits.  Museums? A migraine. Touching everything that says DO NOT TOUCH will give any mother a panic attack. Splash pad? I'm the one frantic trying to find where my kid ran off to in the .5 seconds it took me to pick up Parker out of the water. Reading? It's gotten better but we still rarely make it through a whole book without him wandering away. And when I sit in his room to play with him, he wanders out and gets into OTHER things. When I need him to be sleeping suddenly everything in his room is fun and he wants to play with it. When we go to the studio he refuses to sit still and watch his favorite show. When we come home he begs to watch TV. My kids only eat two things. PB&J or mac and cheese. Occasionally they'll eat a quesadilla, but smoothies are the only way I sneak their nutrients in and if I make it wrong, they won't eat it.

But let me just express some of the best moments I've had lately as their mom.

Going outside at 1:30 in the morning to show Parker that it's dark outside and he should be asleep. It  felt so nice outside and was so peaceful. I almost just sat out there with him. I should have.

Hearing Connor say "I love Heavenly Father...he makes everything SO beautiful in the summertime."

Hearing Parker say "EEn up!" When he hears the primary CD start to play in the car. He obviously listens to those songs when they clean up in nursery.

Hearing Connor say of his own free will "I love you mommy"...I remember wondering when he would do that without me saying it first. He says it a lot. Probably more than I do. I better change that.

Parker laying his head on my shoulder when I first get him up from bed time or his naps. He's the best snuggler.

Seeing my kids light up when I tell them good job or laugh at their silliness.

Watching them play together and ENJOY each other. The moments before the fighting breaks out ;)

Hearing Connor have perfect manners and speaking to adults like he's an adult himself. Without sounding like a weird kid...you know the type that don't even seem like kids? Connor has sheer innocence and just loves to TALK to people.

Seeing Connor hold hands with a girl in his primary class as they walk down the hall for singing time.

Holding Parker's hand in the car as we drive.

Hearing Parker sing along to his favorite songs on the radio. Ones I didn't even realize he knew.

Parker saying "too" when I say I love you. He is already responding that he loves me too.

Seeing their excitement when I come home from work. Sometimes running for me so fast they fall on their faces!

I could go on and on...and maybe I'll add more later. I know these moments will creep by so fast. The weeks and months disappear before my eyes. I only have less than 2 decades to spend being their "mommy". I already ache inside when I think of them as men with wives and kids of their own. I want them to be my babies forever. Even when I get no sleep and rely on caffeine to keep me alive.

I hope one day they will have forgotten the times I yelled and remember how hard I tried to teach them and to be their best friend. I hope I can keep a spirit of love and joy and laughter in our home. I hope I can keep a prayer in my heart as I raise these strong little boys to be valiant young men. I hope they always have tenderness in their voices when they talk to me. I hope they respect me even when they hate me.  I hope they trust me in their darkest moments. I am so thankful to be their mother. They will never know how their being in this world has made mine better.

Connor's Preschool Graduation!

 

Austin October 2012!

Wow what a trip this was! I was so lucky to be able to leave the kiddos behind and go on a little vacay with my best friend Lauren! Ben was able to take time off and stay home while I went to Austin, TEXAS to shoot a wedding and have fun! The first day we got there we immediately ate- yummy tacos! Some of this trip is documented on my iphone pics so I don't remember where we ate but it was yummy! Then we got bundled up because it was freakin' cold and wandered downtown Austin. I had so much fun wandering in the shops and seeing all the weird stuff people had to offer! It was like the antique stores here but less hoard-ish and more "cool". We weren't aloud to take pics in a lot of the shops so we made a game of taking sneaky pics! Haha

 I seriously could not have had as much fun with anyone else! I love this girl and her adventurous personality. I loved how much she loved Austin and wanted to show me everything! It was truly SO FUN!

 I really had fun enjoying photography for the fun of it and just going through some of my pics I am pretty proud of what I captured without even trying too hard! And got some awesome ones of this beautiful photographer...

 The architecture everywhere was so gorgeous and awesome!

 More sneaky pics...

 This was a walk we took on the last day that was SO pretty. I loved the water and how you could see the city line over the trees in some spots. Such a cool combo of scenery. And this water was so awesome...

 Our rental car. I took this on the way to the spot where we ate crepes...

 See the little turtle friend? I tried to get closer and it ended up jumping in the water which sorta startled me. 

 My favorite composition shot of the trip! SO COOL!

This one is from Lauren's Facebook page..same location and with her wide angle so we can both be in it!

 

And now the pics I took of LAUREN!

And one she took of me :)